Well Then..

 It occurred to me recently that I have been doing ALOT of whining about how hard it is for me to find a guy. Just me you understand, my friends, even my cousin who has been here a few weeks, all seem to have zero trouble in this area! So, being the pro-active gal I am, I decided to try to puzzle out the "why" behind my predicament. I stumbled upon an idea, which I then thoroughly tore into, that very well may explain not only my current lack of male companionship but my horrible history of getting the wrong guy in the first place.

  What dawned on me was this: Every relationship I have ever had was one I just sort of fell into. I have never been an active participant in my own romantic life, instead I have simply wandered into a full blown relationship without even trying. I have not ever "looked" for someone that I would be compatible with, have never stopped dating a guy because (I haven't actually just dated anyone to be honest) I decided he wasn't the guy for me, I have never even gone on just a single date with anyone.. and no, one night stands do not count as dates! I have always been either IN a relationship or NOT in a relationship, and that right there is my problem.

  I don't know how to flirt for real. I can and do flirt with everyone on a friendly and harmless level, but have no concept of how to do it in a meaningful manner. It's not that I'm afraid of being turned down, I just can't seem to translate my flirty feelings into real actions. I think I come across flaky or socially inept, or pushy. Obviously I am not the only one to see it this way, since my efforts are rarely rewarded with any attention ;) So.. whats a girl to do? I have NO idea!

  I have limited female role models to look to, and it has always been this way. My mother kept her romantic liaisons so private, my brother and I only met the ones she actually married (or lived with). My grandmother was married forever, then had one disastrous relationship after my grandaddy passed away. My aunt was always married (any dating or other marriages were before my time) so I never had any contact with the "courting" stages of any relationships. I did however have friends, some of which knew how to wrap a guy around their finger with a look and 2 words. I was never able to figure out how they did it, no matter how hard I tried.

  As an adult, I seem to be just as clueless as when I was a teenager. Still watching my friends fight off male attention, and wondering how they do it. Hell, I can't even get a guy to answer an email, much less take me to dinner! I am so unsure of my abilities in the single world, I have relegated myself to the "hot but unavailable" role and stick with that, because then I don't look or sound like an idiot.

  I don't want to fall into another relationship, I want to choose the man I get. Until I can figure out how to be "that" girl, I guess I will have to settle for being "that girl"s friend.