It occurred to me recently that I have been doing ALOT of whining about how hard it is for me to find a guy. Just me you understand, my friends, even my cousin who has been here a few weeks, all seem to have zero trouble in this area! So, being the pro-active gal I am, I decided to try to puzzle out the "why" behind my predicament. I stumbled upon an idea, which I then thoroughly tore into, that very well may explain not only my current lack of male companionship but my horrible history of getting the wrong guy in the first place.
What dawned on me was this: Every relationship I have ever had was one I just sort of fell into. I have never been an active participant in my own romantic life, instead I have simply wandered into a full blown relationship without even trying. I have not ever "looked" for someone that I would be compatible with, have never stopped dating a guy because (I haven't actually just dated anyone to be honest) I decided he wasn't the guy for me, I have never even gone on just a single date with anyone.. and no, one night stands do not count as dates! I have always been either IN a relationship or NOT in a relationship, and that right there is my problem.
I don't know how to flirt for real. I can and do flirt with everyone on a friendly and harmless level, but have no concept of how to do it in a meaningful manner. It's not that I'm afraid of being turned down, I just can't seem to translate my flirty feelings into real actions. I think I come across flaky or socially inept, or pushy. Obviously I am not the only one to see it this way, since my efforts are rarely rewarded with any attention ;) So.. whats a girl to do? I have NO idea!
I have limited female role models to look to, and it has always been this way. My mother kept her romantic liaisons so private, my brother and I only met the ones she actually married (or lived with). My grandmother was married forever, then had one disastrous relationship after my grandaddy passed away. My aunt was always married (any dating or other marriages were before my time) so I never had any contact with the "courting" stages of any relationships. I did however have friends, some of which knew how to wrap a guy around their finger with a look and 2 words. I was never able to figure out how they did it, no matter how hard I tried.
As an adult, I seem to be just as clueless as when I was a teenager. Still watching my friends fight off male attention, and wondering how they do it. Hell, I can't even get a guy to answer an email, much less take me to dinner! I am so unsure of my abilities in the single world, I have relegated myself to the "hot but unavailable" role and stick with that, because then I don't look or sound like an idiot.
I don't want to fall into another relationship, I want to choose the man I get. Until I can figure out how to be "that" girl, I guess I will have to settle for being "that girl"s friend.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The single girls Top 10.. er.. 26
Ok.. I woke up this morning in a FOUL mood. It took me a bit to figure it out.. and when I did it just made me even more irritated! I am angry.. because I am single.
Normally I LOVE being single. Today however, it feels like a black hole, sucking all the color and joy from my life. I have decided, in my awesome and astounding genius way of thinking, that I need a list. Not just any list mind you, but a complete and unabashed list of exactly why I both love and hate being single. Perhaps, my admittedly huge ego and slightly less huge IQ can get to the bottom of this, and I will decide once and for all just where I stand on the "single girl" status I have found myself in again. In my current mood, it shouldn't be difficult to come up with TONS of things I completely despise about being single, but I am willing to approach this exercise with an open mind. Here goes:
Things I HATE about being single-
(start time 11:10 am)
1. being alone
2. no sex
3. looking for a partner
4. no support
5. fear of not being good enough
6.
(11:32 am)
Things I LOVE about being single-
(start time 11:34 am)
1. no conflict
2. sleeping alone
3. decorating to my taste
4. not shaving my legs for a week
5. taking a 2 hr. bath
6. having all my friends (even the male ones)
7. no jealousy
8. flirting
9. being myself
10. fun
11.laughter
12. feeling beautiful
13. feeling smart
14. being independent
15. putting on make-up just because
16. going out
17. watching trashy tv
18. not pretending to understand comics or graphic novels
19. wearing all my heels
20. Burlesque
(11: 39 am)
Ummmmm, well.. that was unexpected. I could have given each list the same amount of time, but I think I made my point to myself rather quickly. I enjoy being single then.. so why am I so miserable today? I DO want someone to spend time with.. or at least have the sex with.. maybe even discuss politics and books and the history channel, or just have the sex with ;) yet I am livid at the unfairness of my my single status, I DON'T want to be single right this minute! I want.. something.. else.. right now anyway.
After a minute of evaluation, looking at my list, I have discovered something rather silly and stupid. Today marks one year since "we" decided to move in together. I didn't find that in my lists of course, it was in the date at the top of my blog. I don't want to be single today because I wasn't supposed to be single again. Ahh.. mystery solved.
I really do enjoy my single girl life, I would like some male attention though, but on my terms. I know it's possible, and I intend to figure out how. I was right to make my lists, it really did clarify things.. I'm not even angry anymore. I will take the time today to grieve a little, but only a little, because I know I am the only one who will.
Normally I LOVE being single. Today however, it feels like a black hole, sucking all the color and joy from my life. I have decided, in my awesome and astounding genius way of thinking, that I need a list. Not just any list mind you, but a complete and unabashed list of exactly why I both love and hate being single. Perhaps, my admittedly huge ego and slightly less huge IQ can get to the bottom of this, and I will decide once and for all just where I stand on the "single girl" status I have found myself in again. In my current mood, it shouldn't be difficult to come up with TONS of things I completely despise about being single, but I am willing to approach this exercise with an open mind. Here goes:
Things I HATE about being single-
(start time 11:10 am)
1. being alone
2. no sex
3. looking for a partner
4. no support
5. fear of not being good enough
6.
(11:32 am)
Things I LOVE about being single-
(start time 11:34 am)
1. no conflict
2. sleeping alone
3. decorating to my taste
4. not shaving my legs for a week
5. taking a 2 hr. bath
6. having all my friends (even the male ones)
7. no jealousy
8. flirting
9. being myself
10. fun
11.laughter
12. feeling beautiful
13. feeling smart
14. being independent
15. putting on make-up just because
16. going out
17. watching trashy tv
18. not pretending to understand comics or graphic novels
19. wearing all my heels
20. Burlesque
(11: 39 am)
Ummmmm, well.. that was unexpected. I could have given each list the same amount of time, but I think I made my point to myself rather quickly. I enjoy being single then.. so why am I so miserable today? I DO want someone to spend time with.. or at least have the sex with.. maybe even discuss politics and books and the history channel, or just have the sex with ;) yet I am livid at the unfairness of my my single status, I DON'T want to be single right this minute! I want.. something.. else.. right now anyway.
After a minute of evaluation, looking at my list, I have discovered something rather silly and stupid. Today marks one year since "we" decided to move in together. I didn't find that in my lists of course, it was in the date at the top of my blog. I don't want to be single today because I wasn't supposed to be single again. Ahh.. mystery solved.
I really do enjoy my single girl life, I would like some male attention though, but on my terms. I know it's possible, and I intend to figure out how. I was right to make my lists, it really did clarify things.. I'm not even angry anymore. I will take the time today to grieve a little, but only a little, because I know I am the only one who will.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Safety Dance
My female friends are waiting not so patiently for me to hop back up on the "man" horse that threw me, and all seem baffled at my reluctance to do so as of yet. However, I have figured out an ingenious way to have my beef cake and eat it too, all without the worry and emotional fragility that comes with dipping a manicured toe into the dating pool. I have simply embraced the Unavailable Crush technique.
Some of you are aware of my years long infatuation with a VERY unavailable man, or rather, my fascination with the persona of said man. Who is he in real life matters not a whit to me, I don't want to pick up his dirty underthings or smell his morning breath! I am enamoured with the sexy, powerful, adorable growling man he is for 5 or 6 hours every few weeks. THAT man I wanna do terribly naughty things with, and do them often ;*
I have also developed a new Unavailable Crush on my adorably hot neighbor. He has these muscles, and this smile that makes me feel a little melty. He and I have exchanged maybe 20 words in the month I have lived here, most of them about his dog, yet I have created this life for him that pleases me immensely. He is not really my type, once you look past the surface, but oh man, he is fun to look at and think about!
These men are perfectly safe from my amorous attentions, I would never dream of pursuing the "real" them. That would spoil everything! I rather enjoy the knowledge that they are not real boys, the knowing allows me the ability to make them into whatever I want.
Some of you are aware of my years long infatuation with a VERY unavailable man, or rather, my fascination with the persona of said man. Who is he in real life matters not a whit to me, I don't want to pick up his dirty underthings or smell his morning breath! I am enamoured with the sexy, powerful, adorable growling man he is for 5 or 6 hours every few weeks. THAT man I wanna do terribly naughty things with, and do them often ;*
I have also developed a new Unavailable Crush on my adorably hot neighbor. He has these muscles, and this smile that makes me feel a little melty. He and I have exchanged maybe 20 words in the month I have lived here, most of them about his dog, yet I have created this life for him that pleases me immensely. He is not really my type, once you look past the surface, but oh man, he is fun to look at and think about!
These men are perfectly safe from my amorous attentions, I would never dream of pursuing the "real" them. That would spoil everything! I rather enjoy the knowledge that they are not real boys, the knowing allows me the ability to make them into whatever I want.
It really is not as insane as it sounds, although I do admit it does sound a teensy bit stalker-ish. No fear intrepid reader, I have not gone round the bend. It is my Safety Dance, and I like it.
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