Normally I LOVE being single. Today however, it feels like a black hole, sucking all the color and joy from my life. I have decided, in my awesome and astounding genius way of thinking, that I need a list. Not just any list mind you, but a complete and unabashed list of exactly why I both love and hate being single. Perhaps, my admittedly huge ego and slightly less huge IQ can get to the bottom of this, and I will decide once and for all just where I stand on the "single girl" status I have found myself in again. In my current mood, it shouldn't be difficult to come up with TONS of things I completely despise about being single, but I am willing to approach this exercise with an open mind. Here goes:
Things I HATE about being single-
(start time 11:10 am)
1. being alone
2. no sex
3. looking for a partner
4. no support
5. fear of not being good enough
6.
(11:32 am)
Things I LOVE about being single-
(start time 11:34 am)
1. no conflict
2. sleeping alone
3. decorating to my taste
4. not shaving my legs for a week
5. taking a 2 hr. bath
6. having all my friends (even the male ones)
7. no jealousy
8. flirting
9. being myself
10. fun
11.laughter
12. feeling beautiful
13. feeling smart
14. being independent
15. putting on make-up just because
16. going out
17. watching trashy tv
18. not pretending to understand comics or graphic novels
19. wearing all my heels
20. Burlesque
(11: 39 am)
Ummmmm, well.. that was unexpected. I could have given each list the same amount of time, but I think I made my point to myself rather quickly. I enjoy being single then.. so why am I so miserable today? I DO want someone to spend time with.. or at least have the sex with.. maybe even discuss politics and books and the history channel, or just have the sex with ;) yet I am livid at the unfairness of my my single status, I DON'T want to be single right this minute! I want.. something.. else.. right now anyway.
After a minute of evaluation, looking at my list, I have discovered something rather silly and stupid. Today marks one year since "we" decided to move in together. I didn't find that in my lists of course, it was in the date at the top of my blog. I don't want to be single today because I wasn't supposed to be single again. Ahh.. mystery solved.
I really do enjoy my single girl life, I would like some male attention though, but on my terms. I know it's possible, and I intend to figure out how. I was right to make my lists, it really did clarify things.. I'm not even angry anymore. I will take the time today to grieve a little, but only a little, because I know I am the only one who will.
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