Let's go all the way..

I am ready for something different. I don't do "single and celibate" real well.. especially the celibate part. I suppose I am too shy when it comes to making a move, or maybe I miss the go for it signal, but I can't seem to get and hold the attention of someone able to fix my situation :) A big part of my reluctance to make a move stems from my breakup.. regardless of the confident and sexy front I put up.. I am fundamentally terrified of being rejected again. I see myself as something less then attractive: a stupid, old, slovenly chub with no redeeming graces. Pair that with the skinny, tan, boob jobbed 21yr old competition, and I am out of luck. I have been told I appear to be unapproachable, some guys have said I am intimidating (something I find deeply amusing) when really all they are seeing is fear and confusion.

 Recently, I was out with friends and happened upon a man I find incredibly attractive. I flirted my ass off.. giving him every sign and opportunity to move in for some physical attention. While he did seem ok to get a little touchy-feely, the night ended with me home alone and wondering if maybe I missed something. It probably didn't help that my adorable friends tried to "assist" in closing the deal.. I'm not that girl and was a bit uncomfortable with it all.. but they are at least getting laid so there must be something to what they are doing. I am not looking to fall in love.. more than friends but less than a couple sounds good to me.. but I am either invisible or "a sweet girl". Damn!

I will continue to push myself, I am tired of spending my nights alone, but I wonder.. How far will I have to go in order to go all the way again?